A lack of tunnel vision

Something I’ve learned about myself is that I absolutely need to have goals. I thrive on checking things off of my to-do lists and having a structured plan for accomplishing my goals. In college, I obsessed over my GPA. I re-calculated it after every single test, quiz, and graded paper. I had a goal. I wanted to make the dean’s list every semester (and I did for most of them).

When I graduated, I obsessed over paying off my credit card (which was very frustrating, because at the time, I did not make enough money to go without using my card, let alone pay it off), but I eventually paid that off (and then got it back to where it was. Sigh.)

Last year (and for a few months the year before), my goal was to move to New York. Some people may not realize this, but every single thing I did, every single choice I made, somehow traced back to how it would help me accomplish my goal: Do I want to watch TV tonight or study a subway map? Will I go out with friends or stay home and research publishing companies? Am I going to go out for lunch today or have an extra $7 in my bank account to go toward New York? Will I get a grande latte or save  50 cents and get the tall? Or should I just bring tea in my travel mug and only allow myself to get Starbucks once a week? My passwords for online accounts (at the time; not anymore) all had “NYC” or “New York” in them in some way. I re-read the Devil Wears Prada and Catcher in the Rye, and all other books I had that took place in New York. Same thing with movies and TV shows. Seinfeld, Friends, and Sex and the City. Constantly.

I was completely obsessed.

Once I got here, my obsession shifted to looking for an apartment and work. As anyone who’s had to look for work in the last few years (or any time, really) knows, job searching can be all-consuming. I still read a few blogs that focus on the workplace, but cover a lot about job searching. I’ve even practically memorized a few books on it, to the point where I could probably successfully work in HR. I’ve always been fascinated with it as a subject.

I found the apartment in June and the job in August… so now what?

I feel like the “I just started my job and am obsessing over learning it” grace period is pretty much over since I’ve been there almost 5 months, and I have no intention of moving anytime soon. I would resort back to obsessing over paying off my credit card, but I have a clear and reasonable plan for that, and there aren’t any adjustments I’m willing or able to make to accelerate it. I’ve accepted how long it’s going to take, and the best I can do is just stay on track.

So what am I supposed to do with all this spare time? My brain has been CRAVING a new obsession. I’ve been reading more, especially with having a Kindle and a 40 minute commute, but I what I really need is a new obsession. And I think I’ve found it.

Without a question, my favorite thing that I do right now is ballet. My body’s in much better shape than it’s been in years. I love my classes and teachers. I definitely needed the physical activity and the mental challenge of re-learning barre combinations and simple choreography. I’ve only been back at it for 19 classes (over 2 1/2 months), and I’m getting better at it every week. I look forward to Sundays and Wednesdays more than any other part of the week. The other night, I couldn’t sleep because my brain wouldn’t shut down from ballet. I wanted more.

So I’ve decided on my new obsession.

I’m going to do pointe….. In about 4 years.

First, I’ll need to dance a few years and move up another 3 levels at my school before it’ll even be an option. I’m going to keep going twice a week for now, but as soon as it’s financially feasible, I’m going to up it to three times a week, and maybe even more. (Classes are $16 a pop, so that adds up…) There are adult pointe classes at my school, and my favorite teacher teaches one of them.

I’ve already started with a few small things. I’m trying to correct my posture by sitting on a yoga ball chair at work (which is also helping tone my abs!). I wear my Reebok Easytone shoes frequently to strengthen my ankles and legs. I watch what I eat more than I ever have before.

It’s going to be hard work, but it’s what I want to do. I’ve always wanted to, and I feel like this is my last chance. I’m not too old for it like I initially thought; it’s more a matter of having enough training. I’m 26 now, and I’ll probably be around 30 or 31 when I’m ready. That would still give me a few years to dance on pointe before I need to seriously consider other life goals (like procreating).

So, that’s my new plan.

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4 Responses to A lack of tunnel vision

  1. Seashell says:

    You’ve accomplished so many of your goals already, I just know you’ll do this! I look forward to seeing pictures of you dancing en pointe in 4 years. Please post them!

  2. W0w, your drive is amazing! I have no doubt you will reach your goal! If you want to be a little more obsessed with the reading, try a challenge like tackling the 1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die or trying to do the 666 Challenge that I’m doing (36 books total, 1 set in or by an author from each of 6 different countries on each of 6 different continents–they count Oceania as a continent and it gets very hard after Australia and NZ!!!).

  3. estelle says:

    Oh pointe! I think I took one year of classes and I absolutely loved it. Except then I had to quit dancing to make time to be a majorette in the marching band. But everytime I watched Centerstage (which was a lot), I would throw on my toe shoes and dance around my room. (Don’t you just love cheesy dance movies?) Good luck! Looking forward to you moving forward with your goals. It’s really motivating for me too. 🙂

  4. Kristin says:

    Thanks everyone! I’m really excited about it. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do.

    Seashell- Oh, there will be pictures. It just might be a few years before they exist 🙂

    Beth- I can stay plenty obsessed with reading on my own. 🙂 If I try to do any kind of reading that resembles a school assignment, I don’t make it through. I might need to look at some of those lists for inspiration on what to read next though!

    Estelle- I watched Center Stage last weekend. So cheesy. But still fun!

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