You thought he was gone. But now he’s come back again. Last week it was funny, but now the joke’s wearing thin.

I obviously haven’t written anything here in a while. And in my last few posts, I’ve kind of threatened to give up blogging entirely. In the last few weeks, I’ve had a few friends and family members comment that they miss seeing my blog posts. The thing is, I feel like the first few years of this blog told my story of a person from Indiana with a dream of moving to NYC, how I did it, and how life in NYC was different. I’m weeks away from having lived here for three years. It’s not news anymore. I don’t feel like I have much to say in the “girl from the midwest in the big city!” department anymore. My wide eyes have been replaced with very tired eyes.

In the last year and a half, my career path took a left turn, and it’s affected my desire to write. Writing used to be a huge part of my daily activity at work. I moved here with the intention of going into publishing/editing. I took two publishing classes at NYU, but then life got in the way, and I had to find jobs that had nothing to do with writing so I could continue to live here. One of those jobs (and the one after it) focused solely on email marketing. I was no longer being paid to write all day. 

As a result, my thought process shifted a bit. My brain wasn’t constantly thinking of things to write about; it was thinking about how many people would open and click on my emails and then buy things, and how I could improve that. I stopped having random moments in the middle of the day where I’d get an idea for a blog post, and spend 15 minutes writing an outline for it in an email draft, and get really excited about getting home so I could actually fully write it. Every day, I’d have that nagging guilt that I should probably write something. I still read lots of other blogs, and I comment on them with my WordPress name. People were still finding this blog and subscribing to it, which just made me feel even more bad that I wasn’t writing. During this time, I also had a few other things taking up real estate in my brain – complete absorption in my job (and getting really, really good at email marketing), and planning a wedding. The wedding took up the bulk of my time/headspace last Spring/Summer, and left me way too frazzled to even think about writing. Except for that one thing I wrote for someone else’s blog.

(In case you don’t follow me on Twitter or Facebook and missed it, I wrote an essay/blog post about dealing with feeling like an inadequate bride for A Practical Wedding last year, and it was published a few months ago.)

There have been a few very NYC-centric things in my life recently that I’ve thought about writing about. We saw Book of Mormon (and it wasn’t my favorite musical of all time, and I thought it was too derivative of other shows. However, I loved it.). I got to go to an event at the NYSE and stand on the podium where they ring the bell (and fool a lot of people with an instagram caption. No, I didn’t actually ring the bell). We’re looking for a new apartment, and struggling to find something in our price range (even though it’s significantly higher than our last search) that’ll let us have a dog. What it’s like to work with people who are much younger than me, and much more “New York” than I will ever be, at an insanely popular, cool company. I got an iPhone a few months ago, and I’m worried that it’s affecting my ability to live in the moment because I’m too busy thinking about how I will present what I’m doing online instead of just enjoying it. But I don’t want to write about those things. Especially that last one, because if I keep trying to document everything I’m doing in the moment (or even shortly after it), it lessens the experience. I don’t want to become that.

I may or may not keep writing here sometimes. I may get a second wind in a few months and start a brand new blog. Maybe I’ll become a mommy blogger (in the very, very, distant future). We’ll see. I still tweet a lot and I’m on Facebook entirely too much, so you can keep up with me there.

To quote my favorite book of all time, The Perks of Being a Wallflower: “So, if this does end up being my last letter, please believe that things are good with me, and even when they’re not, they will be soon enough. And I will believe the same about you.”

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One Response to You thought he was gone. But now he’s come back again. Last week it was funny, but now the joke’s wearing thin.

  1. Marianne (Mom) says:

    I will miss your blogs! As your mom, I have loved the fact that you have always been a skilled writer and that is one of the ways I know what is on your mind. Since you have been writing this blog, I have been following along and I feel I knew you on a different level because your blogs were a different window into your soul much different than a phone conversation together – I loved both!. I feel a sadness because this “window” won’t be there and I also feel sad because it’s like you think
    “the story is over” and It has only just begun. I can’t speak for your other readers, but I am really interested in your “story” even if it’s only a monthly or quarterly update. You have a great viewpoint on things and I will deeply miss your blogs and feel saddened that you think you don’t have anything of value to share with us…you do. Life evolves, our voice and point of view evolves also. Just because it changes, doesn’t mean it needs to go away. The Passion that you felt for your move to New York doesn’t need to go away. I know life gets busy…but the trick is not to lose that “passion” we feel about certain things. We need to rekindle that passion frequently or we become empty.”The Settlers give it Passion”…because they don’t lose sight of how wonderful it is to live in that amazing city filled with history, architecture, art, great food and most of all fantastic people.Through your blog, many of us shared in your dream to live there and that was your gift to your readers. Love, Mom

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